Raising a teenager can be one of the most challenging experiences a parent will go through. Teenagers are in an awkward stage, dealing with hormonal changes out of their control and developing brains. They’re awakening to new realizations about themselves and the world around them.
Teenage rebellion is a natural phase; however, handling it as a parent is anything but natural. If you’re struggling with raising an angry teen, here are some strategies to help.
Keep Your Cool
It may be challenging to keep your cool when your teen is yelling at you, but you must maintain control as an adult. Refrain from yelling, cursing, or name-calling your teen. Verbal abuse will only escalate the argument and will long-term impact your child and your relationship. If your child is verbally abusive, apply consequences to their behaviour and speak in a calm, matter-of-fact tone.
Accountability, Not Control
Rather than trying to control your teen and their behaviour, make them accountable. Set clear boundaries, and establish rules and consequences.
It can be difficult to listen when your child is yelling or angry. Your initial reaction may be to defend yourself or criticize. Rather than offering advice or judgment, actively listen to your teen. Be silent as they express themselves, and ask questions to understand better how they’re feeling. You can also calmly say that it’s challenging to listen to them when they’re angry and yelling. By genuinely trying to listen and understand them, you can teach them how to control their emotions and express themselves calmly.
Give Them Space
When your teen is angry and wants to storm off, let them go instead of following them and trying to continue or resolve the argument. It’s healthy for both of you to give each other space and time to cool off so you can revisit the discussion when you’re both feeling calmer.
Pick Your Battles
Your teen is going through a difficult phase and needs empathy. Remember back to when you were a teen to help you empathize. There will be times when your teen is making a bigger deal of something than it needs to be, and as the adult, it’s your job to know when to stand your ground and when to let things go. Talk with your spouse to set boundaries and determine priorities of issues that can be compromised and issues that are non-negotiable.
If you’re having difficulty with your angry teenager and want some help and guidance, call my office today so we can set up an appointment to talk.